Do you remember the first time you realized your baby would one day grow up and leave? I do. I will never forget the day. Santi was 2 months old and we were shopping at Target. Here I was just minding my own business. Adoring my little angel as he cooed and kicked around his little arms and legs. When I happened to notice a Mom and her son. And I realized that she was helping him decide what he would need when he left for college in a few weeks. I turned and looked back to my little angel and had to fight back the tears. It struck me like a ton of rocks: one day he would (God willing) grow up and become a man and leave. I was seriously disturbed by the realization. All the pain of the c-section, the sleepless nights and the moments of dispair because I just could not figure out why he was STILL crying! And now this! In my post partum hormonal state I imagined myself holding on to his ankle, being dragged across the floor, begging, pleading and threatening to show the c-section scar if he continued his ungratefullness.If he kept insisting he "needed" higher education, he would leave me no other choice than secretly throwing out any college applications and or acceptance letters. What else was a selfless and loving mother to do. Luckily, no one else realized I was insane so I continued shopping, confident in my new plan of action to keep Santi my "baby".
I never would have guessed it then but I think I am having a change of heart. Now that I am a year wiser I am realizing why most parents are not institutionalized when their children go away to college. It's so much ding dang FUN watching them grow up that you forget to be sad! When he was a tiny infant, those little quiet moments of precious baby cooeing and kicking arms and legs was the reward for around the clock care. How was I to know that I would one day be okay with those baby memories being replaced by new memories of a running naked butt, big teethy smiles and my new favorite Santi sound, "mommy". All this and eight hours sleep a night! Wow! Maybe it won't be so bad after all.
And who knows, maybe I won't have to be physically escorted off the elementary school campus on his first day of kindergarten. Maybe I won't insist on escorting him to his middle school prom. Maybe I won't have to be locked up in the looney bin when he does go off to college. Just heavily medicated for a few years!
4 comments:
Santi looks so studious with his book! I love it!
You're sure I'll get over this feeling that it's all going too quickly? 'Cause, right now, I'm fighting back tears just thinking about them growing up and moving on (or even, away). I'm gonna' trust you that these moments that seem to be fleeting, will be followed by fun big boy and big girl ones and I'll be okay. If you say so...
I'm in tears too! I don't know... that was beautifully written. BUT I can't help but wonder if some of those feelings are because you are planning baby #2. Just wait until it's your LAST baby that's growing up! I wonder if you'll feel the same? I do delight in the "growing up" but I know I'll be in the looney bin at some point!
I too have to fight back the tears.. ok.. a few snuck out. It is very hard for me to think about them moving out.. (so i try not too...) I use to always say to Antonio.. stop growing up soo fast. (his reply was always MoMMMM.. you know I can't) therefore I am not allowed to say that anymore..lol.
I too enjoy each stage and every day.. with both boys they always amaze me. But it's those quiet moments, especially when they are sleeping that I notice little things, like their feet are bigger and I think.. now when did that happen??
This is exactly why I have informed Nate that he will be HOME COLLEGED!!! As I sat in a middle school meeting (no he can't be leaving Elementary already) and they spoke of his program giving him High School credits that will count toward his GPA and be on his college application?! WHAT??? Please, how DO we put on the brakes just for a moment???
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